What to Do (and What Not to Do) When You're the Trustee or Executor of an Estate
What to do first, and what to avoid
Being in charge of someone’s estate can feel overwhelming. Here’s a practical, no drama guide to help you start off on the right foot.
Losing someone you love is hard enough. Being named the trustee or executor of their estate can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re not sure where to start. If you’re in this position, here are a few things I’ve seen help, and a few common mistakes you’ll want to avoid.
Don’t rush to shut off their phone
It’s tempting to start canceling things quickly, especially if you’re trying to get a handle on monthly bills. But the phone line is one to keep on your radar.
Many financial institutions and digital accounts use two-factor authentication that sends a code to the deceased’s phone. If that number’s disconnected, it can be difficult (and time-consuming) to regain access.
What to do instead: Downgrade the plan if you want to save money, but keep the line active until you’re sure you no longer need it for account access.
Do look for estate planning documents early
You’ll want to locate any wills, trusts, or other estate documents as soon as you can. These usually name the people responsible for carrying out the estate and may include instructions that could save you time or money or keep you out of probate altogether.
If you’re not sure where to look, try filing cabinets, safe deposit boxes, or wherever they kept important paperwork. In some cases, attorneys or financial advisors may also have copies.
Don’t start distributing assets right away
Even if you know what they “would’ve wanted,” it’s important to pause before giving away money or belongings.
There may be debts to pay, tax filings to complete, or legal processes to follow — and unfortunately, distributing too early can create problems for you personally, even if you’re just trying to help.
What to do instead: Start by making a list of what they owned and what they owed. The more organized you are upfront, the easier the rest of the process will be.
Do contact banks and financial institutions
You’ll want to let any banks, investment firms, or insurance companies know that the person has passed. Most will ask for a copy of the death certificate and documentation showing you have authority to act on behalf of the estate.
This part can take some time, especially if there are multiple accounts, so the sooner you can get started, the better.
Don’t try to navigate probate alone
If the person owned assets outside of a trust or didn’t name beneficiaries on certain accounts, there’s a good chance you’ll need to go through probate — the court process for handling estates.
What to do: Reach out to an estate planning attorney early. They can walk you through the steps, file paperwork, and help you avoid costly or stressful mistakes.
A few more things that can make this easier:
Order multiple copies of the death certificate. You’ll need them for everything from banks to insurance claims. Getting 5–10 upfront usually makes life easier.
Open an estate account. Once you're authorized, don’t pay estate expenses out of your personal funds if you can avoid it. Keeping everything separate is cleaner, easier to track, and helps protect you legally.
Keep a log of what you’re doing. It doesn’t have to be fancy - even a notebook works. Track calls, copies sent, decisions made, and anything you pay out of pocket. It’ll save time and avoid confusion later.
Keep people in the loop. You don’t need all the answers right away, but giving beneficiaries or family members a quick update (“I’m starting to sort through things and will keep you posted”) can help set expectations and reduce tension.
Final thoughts
Being asked to carry out someone’s final wishes is a big responsibility — and often a very emotional one. Give yourself some grace. Take it one step at a time, ask for help when you need it, and know that you don’t have to get it all right on day one.